A Crash Course In Handling Difficult Personalities

First, self-awareness is going to be key. It’s important to reflect on your own reactions and recognize what behaviors tend to trigger you. When dealing with passive-aggressive personalities, do you tend to get easily irritated or lash out? Do overly critical colleagues put you on the defensive? Whatever your reaction tends to be when dealing with challenging personalities, it’s crucial to recognize those tendencies and prepare to keep your emotions in check. Knowing how someone could potentially push your buttons will help you be more composed as you approach the situation and help you manage your reactions in a more professional way.

From there, focus on the tasks at hand that you are working with this difficult person on. Focusing on the project and the positive outcome that will ultimately come from working with this person can be the light that motivates you to get to the end of the tunnel. Be respectful in your reactions with this challenging colleague and operate from a place of facts rather than emotions.

Working with facts and details of the projects and emphasizing the goal of the project can lead to much more constructive conversations because it removes emotions from the situation and focuses on how you’re working towards a common end. Presenting facts can also help diffuse tense situations that tend to arise when people with strong personalities have conflicting opinions.

Finding Common Ground

Especially when you don’t see eye to eye with a challenging colleague, it can feel like any efforts to work with that person are going nowhere. In order to be successful in your interactions, it’s important to be able to find common ground to work within. Take the time to try to understand where a person is coming from. It could be they are under a tremendous amount of stress and are taking it out on you, or it could be that they feel like their opinion isn’t being properly heard. Whatever the case may be, approach their ideas and input with an open mind. Ask questions and actively listen to their concerns. Showing that you hear what they are saying and are taking their opinion into consideration can go a long way.

In conjunction with listening, it is extremely important to be clear in all of your communications with a difficult personality. Being vague in your communication or firing off your feelings on a matter are going to muddy things and likely cause even more challenges in your interactions.

If you have opinions that vary from a person you have challenges working with, make sure you are expressing your thoughts and feelings rather than expressing statements that reflect negatively on that person. For example, use “I” statements that reflect your concerns, “I feel like by utilizing an existing workflow rather than developing a new one, we can achieve better results on deadline,” rather than making accusatory remarks against them, i.e., “Your idea won’t work because it will take too long and it’s reinventing the wheel.” What you say and how you say it matters, and by being mindful of being clear in your communication, you can avoid serious confrontations.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

There may come a time when you reach your breaking point when dealing with a difficult personality. No matter what you do, it seems like you can’t see eye to eye, and you find your ability to be professional dwindling rapidly. This is likely when you need to determine where it’s most worthwhile to focus your energy.

Even if a challenging personality is wearing on your nerves, is it truly impacting the job you’re ultimately doing together? If you are able to still get things done well, even if it feels like a fight at every turn, it’s probably in your best interest to just let it go rather than address every issue along the way. Unless your colleague’s behavior is truly making it impossible to accomplish your goal, pick and choose what you are deciding to stand your ground on for the sake of professionalism.

That being said, if a difficult colleague repeatedly steps over the line when dealing with you, it’s OK for you to establish your professional boundaries and be firm with them. For instance, if they are repeatedly contacting you outside of work hours to demand project updates, it is OK to tell them firmly but professionally what your limits and expectations are.

Once you establish and communicate those boundaries, make sure you are consistent with them. This will allow you to create distance between you and the behaviors your colleague is displaying that trigger you, making it easier to maintain professional interactions.

Keep Calm And Carry On

Having to deal with difficult personalities at some point in your career is inevitable, but thankfully, it is a skill that you can work on and hone over time. One thing to remember is that while you can’t control someone else’s bad behaviors, you can control your responses. Practicing self-awareness, employing empathy and effective communication, and setting boundaries when necessary are all steps you can take to navigate the challenges associated with difficult personalities and maintain professionalism.