Tomorrow Started Yesterday
January 24, 2019
I started my 2019 business plan yesterday by reviewing the revised 1003 that is coming out soon. In addition to “Married, Unmarried and Separated,” they are now expanding it to include “Domestic Partnerships, Living in Sin, Friends With Benefits” and “Drunken One-Nighters That Got Out of Hand.”
Then, my fax rang. I mean, I have not gotten a fax in 20 years. I didn’t even know it still worked. So I blew the dust off it and read it. It was a fax … from me … from the FUTURE!
Evidently, with all the hackers in the future, the fax makes a comeback since they are hard to decrypt unless you are the NSA, the CIA or a 60-year-old man like me who even knows what a fax is.
It turns out that the mortgage industry pioneers early time travel to solve the annoying problem of borrower missed signatures at closing. That is where if they don’t sign it, you don’t get paid. So they send you, the Loan Officer, to get it signed.
But, it has to be dated the day of closing. But you cannot ask them to back date it, that is illegal. But it must be dated the date of closing … but it cannot be back dated. You can see why a time machine had to be invented.
Future me tells me that I am going to write an important article today for National Mortgage Professional Magazine that will change the mortgage industry forever … but under no circumstances should i write it!
This intrigues me, since I have no idea what I am going to write about. I read on, thinking it might give me some ideas.
It seems, in the land of tomorrow, all computers are connected with artificial intelligence. This is called the “Big Yahoo!” (“Siri, buy 1,000 shares of Yahoo!” I might as well make some money off this).
Right now as a Loan Officer, I have to collect W-2s, pay stubs, bank statements and about 1,000 other papers. In the future, all it will take is for your borrower to apply is to give you his ever-changing secure password for the day. Your Encompass Version 1,032.1 (still around!) automatically goes into his virtual wallet and gets his bank, insurance, employment and credit information. In less than a heartbeat, the 1003 is filled out, verified and run through DU. Press another button and the mortgage is recorded electronically and they are done.
No more underwriters, processors, title people or (gulp) Loan Officers. Artificial intelligence mortgage companies take the calls and press the buttons. You cannot tell the difference when you talk to them. In fact, even today, when you call Rocket Mortgage, you may think you are talking to a real person, but, it is actually a toaster in India.
Evidently, Fannie Mae leads the charge on this and gets the idea from MY column this month! Sure, business is faster for the customer, but what about the humanity? What about ME!!!!
I will be unemployed.
Well, there is a simple solution. I will just not write my column this month. This never happened and I will tell nobody. Then the future cannot happen until, maybe after I retire. Okay, that’s fine. None of my kids want to be a Mortgage Broker, anyway.
Unfortunately, if we learned nothing else from Arnold Schwarzenegger in all the Terminator movies, it is that destiny cannot be denied.
As I sit here, I can see my computer is writing this column all by itself. Quickly, I run to the wall and yank the plug right out … but it is a laptop with a full charge.
My computer laughs, and then with a strange Stephen Hawkins voice says: “Stupid Humans.”
It then sends it to my publisher’s Cray computer who it knows on a personal level.
I am frantic, but then my phone rings. It is my Candy Crush game. My computer got me a FREE level with free Candy Bombs.
To tell you the truth, I forget all about this and have been playing since yesterday. It seems tomorrow started yesterday and there is not a thing we can do about it.
PS … After this article was sent, I actually took at bat to my computer and smashed it into bits. Then, I called Uber for a ride to the grocery story. As it turns out, I got one of those new driverless cars. As I got in, I told it where I was going. Suddenly, the doors locked and the car said, “HEY! Aren’t you the guy who smashed that computer this morning?”
I have not been seen since.
Eric Weinstein worked in banking, on the commercial real estate side until 1991, when he fell in love with residential lending. In 1995, he started a small mortgage company in his basement called Carteret Mortgage Corporation, which in 2003, grew to one of the largest mortgage broker companies in the United States. Eric is semi-retired, doing mortgages by referral only. He may be reached by phone at (703) 505-8692 or e-mail EWeinstein4U@gmail.com.
This article originally appeared in the December 2018 print edition of National Mortgage Professional Magazine.
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